Testimonies...
Jim
- Celebrate Recovery Kick Off Speaker - Nov. 7th, 2003
Hi My name is Jim, I'm a believer
who struggles with alcohol and drug addiction:
Ephesians
5:18, "Do not get drunk with wine, which will only ruin you;
instead be filled with the Spirit."
I would like to take
you back to the insanity of my addiction; I felt that I couldn't
let the spirit of Christ's love in my soul, God's awesome love
will really mess up your partying. I find it impossible to be
on a alcohol or drug bender and do what God wants. I was in and
out of incarceration from the time I was about 17 until I was
37. My life consisted of always chasing the next high, and
being incarcerated. Proverbs 23:20-21"Do
not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on
meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes
them in rags ."
I had no good family
contact, even with my daughter. At one point I was ready
to sign adoption papers, just so I wouldn't have to pay child
support. I thank God that never happened though. I had no consciences
for, or about my actions. I didn't care who I hurt. I was
running from myself. Living in a state of intoxication,
functioning at .20 BAC. If I got below that I was sick.
Isolation was also one of my problems. I would get a motel room
and be in there alone for days just getting high.
Another wonderful personality
trait from my addiction was always being on the defensive.
I was living in the revolving door of the system and the flesh.
“What can YOU do for me” was my motto. Always wanting to
be accepted and “fit in” But not fitting comfortably in my own
skin.
I had a few incidents
that put me near death. One was when I was an Iron worker. I was
still high from the night before, but I went up on the iron anyway.
I took a fall from the iron that day . I hit my head on
a I-beam on the way down to the concrete floor below me.
I busted my head and my body up very bad. I remember the first
thing out of the doctors mouth was “son you should be dead, you
must have an angel over you” That didn't stop me form my addiction
though. I didn't or couldn't work. I was disabled. It just gave
me time to do more research on my addiction.
I longed to be loved but didn't feel
worthy. Even though I knew what Christ had done for me,
at the cross, and his ever lasting love and forgiveness. This
I came to find out is a repercussion of living in the flesh and
in the moment.
I knew Christ, especially
when I was incarcerated. I was one of those “Jail house
pastors.” I Still had no real conviction in my heart and
soul. My thoughts were what could God do for me, not what
or how can I serve God. My attitude towards other people
really sucked too. I was such a pleasant person to be around.
I was doing God's work being the judge “judgmental” I was
a user always being your ‘friend” for what you had, not who you
were. I was constantly angry at everyone, especially if they didn't
do it “ MY WAY” (Proverbs 18:24)
“A man who has friends must be friendly, but there is a friend
that sticks closer than a brother”
I found one of my many
bottoms when my weight had gone down to 105 lbs, I am now at 160.
So you imagine how sucked up I was, and how bad I looked.
Funny thing, I thought I still looked so good. I was contemplating
suicide because I was so low and self centered. I was in
the state of “poor me” I felt if I just ended it all, I wouldn't
hurt anyone anymore. I was so tired of my life as I knew it, not
as God wanted it, so why go on. If any of you here tonight feel
or have felt this low remember this. You
have been promised a marvelous future. It's In the Bible, Jeremiah
29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future
and a hope."
This is when I believe
Christ opened my heart to Him. Jesus showed me an angel. An angel
that had been right in front of me all the time. Putting up with
the chaos I lived in, because as she said “I saw something
in you that was good” Today seven years later I'm married
to that angel. We live our lives with each other according
to this verse. 1Cor 7:3 that says “Let
the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise
also the wife to her husband” based on that scripture,
and some counseling, we have built a wonderful marriage.
A marriage where Christ is the center piece of our lives together.
I finally found my way
into recovery when I was facing yet another prison term.
You will do anything to look good in the eyes of the correctional
system. I was sick of my life, or the mere existence of
what I called living. So I checked myself into Longford
care unit. This was the first rehab that I had been in.
I found out that I was powerless. That without God in my
life, true recovery and peace was hopeless. My ever-growing personal
relationship with Jesus Christ came from being nothing to being
everything. Today I pursue the knowledge that is there for
our taking, just like our salvation.. Psalm
37:23-24,"The steps of good men are directed by the Lord.
He delights in each step they take. If they fall it isn't fatal,
for the Lord holds them with His hand."
I have never known such
joy and peace. I never thought being so dependent {on God} would
make me so strong. I believe that with the spirit and obedience
to God, along with Celebrate Recovery is what keep me sane and
in recovery today.
Working the Celebrate
Recovery program and getting involved gave me a great life, a
personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and the ability to know
peace. The only peace that comes from knowing Jesus Christ
as your personal Lord and Savior and being in honest recovery.
What comes with that is, the hope that when my time comes,
and I stand before the Lord I will hear these precious words “good
work my son come with me and live in paradise for eternity”
While being in recovery
every thing started to change, surprise surprise. I care
about all people today. The people that are around me today are
my real friends. I care about them and they acre about me.
Its not about how much alcohol or drugs I can buy, it's
about how much we care about each other and love Christ.
Areas of my old life
are gone, and boy how have they changed. The old empty hole
in my heart this is filled with God's loving Spirit, and the love
and support of my wife and family. My wife and I have total
trust in each other. Trust is something I never had in my
life before. Trust is something that is what make a relationship
whole. Today my kids and grandkids love me because they know how
much they matter to me. (2 Cor 5:17 )“Therefore
anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old things have
passed away; behold all things are new”
Before I let Christ back
into my heart God's love was something that I couldn't understand
. Today I stand For Christ . I
have been blessed to lead a Prison Ministry. God is working his
miracles in this ministry. Doors that were shut are being opened
as if they were never there. I am now looking forward to
going into the ministry full time. (Proverbs
3:5-6)“Trust in thy Lord with all thy heart, lean not on your
own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall
guide your paths."
The benefits of my new
life are too numerous to count. God has blessed me ten fold. I
have a new life in Christ and a promise of eternity with Him.
A wonderful relationship with my daughter and family again. Knowing
how much good God wants for me, and how much He loves me is everything.
A number of years ago I couldn't even imagine a life like the
one I have today “ God is good”
To the Newcomer here
are some promises that you can count
on happening to you.
Peace , serenity and love,
Your will find true happiness
within yourself.
You will find a peace and
a calm about like you have never known.
Seek God and He will seek
you.
God's plans for you are
so much better than anything you can even imagine.
True friendships will develop
and last a life time.
A whole lot of fun and
remembering it.
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